The Only Way to Take Sorrow out of Death, is to Take Love out of Life!

The title of this post was something that was put on a display during a church lesson a few weeks ago. I wrote it down as soon as I got out of class (my husband had my pen) so that I could share it. I've never felt like there is anything wrong with never stopping grieving over my dad's death, but if my family members haven't heard this quote I thought it might make them feel good, too.

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Tonight while I was helping Shaylee with her homework, I decided to put the video Heidi made of pictures of Dad with incredibly inspirational music in the background. Our home is always incredibly peaceful when that DVD is playing. Cayden was paying the most attention. Once I looked over at him just in time to see his arms reaching out from where he was sitting, and then wrapping them around eachother back to his chest. My heart about burst. I asked him if he was giving someone a hug. He got really embarassed but finally said "yes"...he didn't think anyone was watching! Then I asked if he was giving Grandpa McConkie a hug and he said "yes".

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I can't watch that DVD without crying. I know my dad is in a wonderful place doing important things right now, and over time I talk about him a little less to other people, but my heart will never stop aching to see him again, and I'll never stop wishing he was here to give me one of his big bear hugs, and giving me one of his smiles that always said that no matter how bad life seemed, there was a way to fix it, and that life is wonderful. I'll also never stop hearing him singing in his deep, comforting voice when the hymns are played at church. I remember one of his old, rough brown wool sports jackets rubbing against my arm when I'd sit by him at church. He liked to rub his 5 o'clock shadow facial hair on our face like it was sandpaper!! He always had packs of Breath Savers in his church jacket pockets...I remember they always made me thirsty! If he was the one waking us up in the morning, he'd do it by singing the BYU Fight Song...although he could only ever remember the first couple of lines...so now I do that to my kids... but they only get to hear the first couple of lines too since I don't know the rest!! He LOVED BYU Sports. We went to several basketball games, and I remember going to a football game once with my dad, brother, and Cassidy Baker. David, Cassidy and I painted our faces blue and white. We had seats in the opposing team section which was awkward, but I don't remember that stopping us from cheering as loud as we could. The other team got quite a laugh making fun of our team Spirit when BYU lost the game! I remember my dad cheering so loud in the music room while watching his games that we thought something was wrong!! When he couldn't get a game on tv, he'd go listen to it faithtfully out in his truck in the driveway by himself!! He was a fast skiier. He NEVER fell...until one time I saw him tumble down the hill aways and did the splits in the air!!! I was probably about 10 at the time and I remember thinking "There is no way he's okay after that!?!" I believe his knee had problems after that...and my mom had a bad back that required several surgeries, so eventually they weren't able to ski with us anymore. When we had a problem or had done something wrong...my dad would calmly take us in his office and show us articles that General Authorities had written that applied to the problem...and then have us figure out what we needed to do to make things right. I never saw or heard of him losing his temper or saying a bad word (which was rare for farmers...even LDS ones!!). Getting Diabetes was hard for him....because before he was diagnosed with that, I remember riding out to the farm with him on many occasions and we'd always buy "DOTS" candies...or see how big of an ice cream cone we could make at the CONOCO gas station!! Sometimes he'd buy us Jelly filled doughnuts...Mmmm! In the last couple of years I've heard several very funny stories of my dad getting caught by family friends...eating something he shouldn't have at restaurants, etc. He'd say things like "Don't tell Sharon!!". I laugh everytime I think of him saying that, because all my mom would have done was got frustrated and said "PAUL!!" Well anyway, it wasn't the diabetes that took him...nor any other physical explanation...just that the Lord needed him.

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I'm writing these memories on my blog mainly for journaling purposes since I'm a fast typer so it's easy for me to record things on here. I'm not doing this to keep letting people know what an incredible man he was...although if hearing his stories inspires you, then I'm glad I typed them out for you to read!!! Every now and then I'll include more stories as I remember them. I just have so many little memories that I want to make sure my kids will be able to read or hear about!!