The Only Way to Take Sorrow out of Death, is to Take Love out of Life!

The title of this post was something that was put on a display during a church lesson a few weeks ago. I wrote it down as soon as I got out of class (my husband had my pen) so that I could share it. I've never felt like there is anything wrong with never stopping grieving over my dad's death, but if my family members haven't heard this quote I thought it might make them feel good, too.

*

Tonight while I was helping Shaylee with her homework, I decided to put the video Heidi made of pictures of Dad with incredibly inspirational music in the background. Our home is always incredibly peaceful when that DVD is playing. Cayden was paying the most attention. Once I looked over at him just in time to see his arms reaching out from where he was sitting, and then wrapping them around eachother back to his chest. My heart about burst. I asked him if he was giving someone a hug. He got really embarassed but finally said "yes"...he didn't think anyone was watching! Then I asked if he was giving Grandpa McConkie a hug and he said "yes".

*

I can't watch that DVD without crying. I know my dad is in a wonderful place doing important things right now, and over time I talk about him a little less to other people, but my heart will never stop aching to see him again, and I'll never stop wishing he was here to give me one of his big bear hugs, and giving me one of his smiles that always said that no matter how bad life seemed, there was a way to fix it, and that life is wonderful. I'll also never stop hearing him singing in his deep, comforting voice when the hymns are played at church. I remember one of his old, rough brown wool sports jackets rubbing against my arm when I'd sit by him at church. He liked to rub his 5 o'clock shadow facial hair on our face like it was sandpaper!! He always had packs of Breath Savers in his church jacket pockets...I remember they always made me thirsty! If he was the one waking us up in the morning, he'd do it by singing the BYU Fight Song...although he could only ever remember the first couple of lines...so now I do that to my kids... but they only get to hear the first couple of lines too since I don't know the rest!! He LOVED BYU Sports. We went to several basketball games, and I remember going to a football game once with my dad, brother, and Cassidy Baker. David, Cassidy and I painted our faces blue and white. We had seats in the opposing team section which was awkward, but I don't remember that stopping us from cheering as loud as we could. The other team got quite a laugh making fun of our team Spirit when BYU lost the game! I remember my dad cheering so loud in the music room while watching his games that we thought something was wrong!! When he couldn't get a game on tv, he'd go listen to it faithtfully out in his truck in the driveway by himself!! He was a fast skiier. He NEVER fell...until one time I saw him tumble down the hill aways and did the splits in the air!!! I was probably about 10 at the time and I remember thinking "There is no way he's okay after that!?!" I believe his knee had problems after that...and my mom had a bad back that required several surgeries, so eventually they weren't able to ski with us anymore. When we had a problem or had done something wrong...my dad would calmly take us in his office and show us articles that General Authorities had written that applied to the problem...and then have us figure out what we needed to do to make things right. I never saw or heard of him losing his temper or saying a bad word (which was rare for farmers...even LDS ones!!). Getting Diabetes was hard for him....because before he was diagnosed with that, I remember riding out to the farm with him on many occasions and we'd always buy "DOTS" candies...or see how big of an ice cream cone we could make at the CONOCO gas station!! Sometimes he'd buy us Jelly filled doughnuts...Mmmm! In the last couple of years I've heard several very funny stories of my dad getting caught by family friends...eating something he shouldn't have at restaurants, etc. He'd say things like "Don't tell Sharon!!". I laugh everytime I think of him saying that, because all my mom would have done was got frustrated and said "PAUL!!" Well anyway, it wasn't the diabetes that took him...nor any other physical explanation...just that the Lord needed him.

*

I'm writing these memories on my blog mainly for journaling purposes since I'm a fast typer so it's easy for me to record things on here. I'm not doing this to keep letting people know what an incredible man he was...although if hearing his stories inspires you, then I'm glad I typed them out for you to read!!! Every now and then I'll include more stories as I remember them. I just have so many little memories that I want to make sure my kids will be able to read or hear about!!

So far...the perfect day!

This morning started off with me waking up at 6 a.m. (that's about an hour and a half early for my usual morning!!) I was the first one up and I got ready for the day. Meanwhile, I heard Shaylee and Cayden wake up...then Tyler woke up to get ready for work. Addy woke up as I was getting everyone's cereal (I had planned on making pancakes but I think it'll take awhile for all of us to get used to eating a big breakfast so early in the morning...none of us were very hungry!!) After breakfast we had "prayer bones" (what my family called it when we got on our knees for a family prayer around the table) The kids said goodbye to daddy, and the other 4 of us started walking to Shaylee's school, which is a few blocks away, for her first day of 2nd grade! I felt really old when I met her teacher. I'm pretty sure she's younger than me. This year Shaylee was nervous...but didn't seem so concerned when it was time for me to go. She already knows a few of the kids in her class, and she's always extremely well-liked by everyone she meets, so I know she'll have a great day. The other three of us walked back home. I asked Cayden what he wanted to do...he said "Turn off the lights, get the blanket, and watch Goonies!!" So...that's what we are doing, only since it's morning and such a beautiful day outside, we kept the lights on and opened up the blinds. Have you ever watched a movie with your parents that you told them was really good...but then while watching it you realize how many inappropriate things are actually in it that you hadn't really noticed before?? Well that's how it is when you have kids...you realize every single bad word, etc. I loved Goonies when I was younger. Now I realize that I can't let me kids watch it without me because I have to skip like the whole first 5 minutes or so of the movie!! I have always been very naive, so I'm sure when I was younger, I had no clue what one of the scenes in this movie was about...even though it was pretty obvious! Well anyway, the point of my post is, it may only be 9 a.m

.... but so far it's been a very peaceful day!!

College, and Hairbows!

*Tyler finally got all set up with school. Tomorrow he and I are going to drive down to Midland to get Tyler's tuition voucher so we can pick up his books at the college. He has registered for classes at Midland College but will be doing all the classes he can online. I missed the deadline to start taking online classes from BYU-I to finish up my Associates Degree there in the fall, but I'm getting everything lined up to start again in January. Science classes with labs are one thing you can't take online so Tyler and I may end up trying to take a science w/lab here at a local college (we have ASU and Howard College here). It's exciting to start getting "edumacated" again :-)

*Also...I know I should probably make a separate blog to share the crafts I've been working on but I don't know if I want to have to remember another blog name and do the upkeep for two blogs. Lately I've been crocheting some cute little newsboy caps for girls, and I've also become a little addicted to making bow and headbands!!!

*If you like the items I make, feel free to check out what I have on ebay. Here's a link that should take you to my items. My names is: togglesandtrinkets

http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZtogglesandtrinkets

I usually don't have much on there at a time but right now I have several. I'd also be happy to do some custom orders so let me know if you're interested. The next couple of days I'm going to work on Korker bows and will try to get them on ebay soon. Bows don't seem to sell TOO well on Ebay unless the seller combines shipping (which I do) so I'm thinking about checking out our local boutiques and see if there's a market for these. (Although the thought of keeping up an inventory when I have 3 children makes me a little nervous so IF I do that...I'll definitely EASE into it!!) I don't know...as my family knows, I always tend to have Big Plans that don't always tend to be followed through!!

*3 year-olds are so funny!*

Tonight since Tyler wouldn't be home til a little later because of a church meeting, I let the kids put on a movie in their room to fall asleep to. I go in and check on them, and this is a conversation my son and I had...

Cayden: "Mommy, wait!"
Me: "What's the matter Cayden?"
Cayden: "I have a pwoblem"
Me: "What's the problem?"
Cayden: "I'm, I'm fwustrated" (frustrated)
Me (holding back a laugh): "Why are you frustrated?"
Cayden: " It's just me. I'm fwustrated with ME. My ears go PHEW, PHEW, PHEW, PHEW, PHEW"

He told me this earlier too about the noise he hears in his ears...so although the conversation was really funny watching him concentrate as he thought of what was wrong...on the other hand it worries me that he says he hears this noise in his ears a lot. Tyler doesn't think there is anything they can do at his age to tell if he hears something for sure, but luckily he has his 4 year appointment coming up next month so I can ask the Doc then.

Where Does the Time Go?

Nothing too exciting has been going on here lately. Well I take that back. The other day Tyler invited a friend from work, to go to church with our family! He plays basketball with Tyler & the missionaries once a week and he's only 18. He seems to really look up to Tyler and is always asking him for advice, etc. Throughout that day he kept telling Tyler that he really is going to go with us to Church. Well during that day, Tyler kept praying in his head that Elders Quorum wouldn't be boring so that Sterling (Tyler's friend) would enjoy the lesson. So guess what happened? That night, Brother Baxter calls to ask Tyler if he can give the lesson on Sunday for Elders Quorum!!!! We got a good laugh about that. The lesson is about Death though, so I don't envy Tyler, but I know he will do a great job. I told Tyler that he's going to end up being lifted up to Heaven for his missionary work and I'll be stuck here on earth. Luckily he said he wouldn't go without me and the kids :-) That probably sounds a little funny?! Eh, anyway, then Tyler's friend told him yesterday he might be doing something else now. I told Tyler though he's still going to get all those blessings for mustering up that courage in the first place!!

************************************************

Well Shaylee got sealants put on her teeth a few days ago...and she's super excited about school to be starting on the 25th, especially since she just got a pretty purple Hannah Montana backpack! Cayden is really into having me print superhero coloring pages for him lately. He colors them (he's gotten so good at coloring lately!) and then has me cut them out for him. They don't last as long as superhero figures but they sure are cheaper!! Addy cracks me up. Everytime I look at her she gets a big grin. She's such a little chunk, too!! She's been practicing slowly barrel rolling across the room, and she's also been tucking her knees under her body and then pushing them out. The other night I caught her in the same position Shaylee always slept in as a toddler... on her tummy, but knees under her body so her rear-end was sticking way up in the air!! I laughed so hard when I saw that because it reminded me of when Shaylee was younger. How time flies. My babies grow up too quickly. It already makes me sad to think that someday there will be no more babies...well until I have grandbabies, but that can't happen for MANY more years.

So Pretty...Grandma Caudle says she looks more and more like a McConkie! Boy I see a lot of Shaylee in her sometimes though!!

Cayden is showing off his super cool Swimsuit from Grandpa Caudle. I think the floaties make him look like a Ninja Turtle, haha! He's fearless in this swimsuit...he jumps straight into the deep end without even thinking! Dangerous though how much courage he has!

Lost in a sea of Care Bears!

Shaylee & Daddy being tough! I got these for Tyler on Father's Day so we can duke it out!

Addy and her friend from church - Savannah (Yes her mom thought of the name from the movie "Savannah Smiles"!!! Love that movie!) Her mommy's name is just as cute - Pollyanna!!

I am not just a Mommy, I'm a Woman!

Here is a conversation I had with my son yesterday in the car.

Cayden: Mommy, MOMMY!
Me: Yes Cayden?
Cayden: Mommy's are Womans!
Me: They ARE??? (Sarcastically, trying to hold back a seriously laugh)
Cayden: Yep, so YOU are a Woman! You's a Mommy AND a Woman!

I have to say that I'm impressed that my 3-year old (almost 4) understands that even mommy's are real women, or just the fact that we are individuals! Well, maybe I'm reading too much into that, but I like to think he has that deep of an understanding! :-)

Live Each Day to The Fullest

I just ache today. An old friend from high school and his wife, lost their two-week old baby yesterday to a heart defect. Since having kids, my biggest fear has been to lose one. My family has been very fortunate/blessed to not have had to accept death often, atleast until my dad passed away. It's so hard to see sweet Spirits leave this earth when they are still young. My dad wasn't really young, but he was far from old and although it's hard for anyone to let a parent go, I had an extremely hard time. But, I could never blame God...he's the reason why we get to experience life at all, the good times and the occasional bad times. As much as I hate to feel hurt, especially from a death, I hate to watch my friends hurt even more. I wish I could take away their pain and make it all better. Luckily, that is what Christ is for. He has felt every hurt, ache, pain, etc. that we experience. He can understand everything, and can help give us comfort.

Just from pictures I could feel Kimball's sweet little Spirit. He has touched my heart and my life. In remembrance of him and all the other people/children who pass away after a short time on earth, I will try harder to make each day a wonderful day, and enjoy each of my children and my husband. I'll try to take more pictures of my babies, and spend less time on the computer. I'll try to reach out more not just to the people I know, but especially to the people I don't. I'll try to be a better person so that I can be with my family forever when it is time.